Dumb Broad In Germany Tries To Become Easter Feast

Just when you think people can't get any dumber, they do. Thank God this time it was a foreigner and not an American making headlines in the "Dumbest Person in the World" section of the newspaper. This past weekend, a 32-year-old woman at the Berlin Zoo climbed the fence to the polar bear exhibit and hopped in. Was she warm and wanted to cool off? Did she mistake the big bear for her papa bear? Or did she really just want to get eaten alive by one of the largest animals in the world? Either way she is dumb as rocks! Too bad I don't speak German because I would definitely have told those people to let the bear tear her up!

Obviously the bear bit her. It started biting her and playing with her. Sort of like a child plays with their peas! (I guess bears can even tell that dumb broads don't taste as good as smart ones?)

The police said that several zoo workers then tossed rescue rings to the woman in an attempt to hoist her up and distract the other bears. The lady struggled and got bitten by another bear before getting pulled to safety. I think she should just be put in a cage and thrown in with the lions. That might teach her a valuable lesson. Word on the street is that she was trippin' on some crazy acid! I kid! No really she was really trippin'! Had to have been!

The Voice of the Phillies Dead At The Age of 73

"We lost our voice today," Phillies president David Montgomery said. "He has loved our game and made just a tremendous contribution to our sport and certainly to our organization." Harry Kalas was the beloved voice of the Philadelphia Phillies for 39 years. I've never known anybody else to call the games and I am sure many of you will remember Harry's unique voice. With his deep signature "Outta here!" for home run calls, he provided the soundtrack to Philadelphia baseball. Sadly he died Monday after collapsing in the broadcast booth before the Phillies' game against the Washington Nationals.

The Phillies beat the Nationals 9-8 today. In honor of Harry The K, when Shane Victorino hit a homerun he ran the bases, did the sign of the cross and pointed to the broadcast booth where Harry would normally be. He was absent for the first time in nearly 4 decades.

Last year the Philadelphia Phillies won the World Series and gave Harry his second title while in Philadelphia. I am sure he will still be announcing up in Heaven and yelling, "Outta Hear!" for every homerun that the Phils hit. RIP Harry.

The Hello Kitty Purry Tour Featuring Katy Perry

I was honored to have tickets to the final show of Katy Perry's sold-out three night set at The Fillmore at Irving Plaza in New York City. I had bought her CD, watched her performances and sung "I Kissed A Girl" all last summer just like the rest of you. I heard from people she wasn't good live or she was overrated but I never like to make a decision until I see them in person.

Katy came out with bounds of energy bouncing off wall-to-wall. She was spitting water, talking to the crowd, and telling us what each song meant to her when she wrote it. This is a huge difference from other concerts I go to where the artist hardly has any participation. Katy even make a few crude jokes which everybody thought were hysterical. She basically was goofing off and singing her heart out to us. The concert itself was all of her best songs plus 2 covers leaving "I Kissed A Girl" for the encore. Before the final song she came out and asked an audience member if she brought her "cherry chapstick" because she would kiss her then. Unfortunately the girl didn't bring hers but Katy had an over sized one in place of the girls. The whole stage was over sized fruits and a very large "pussy" named Kitty Purry.


After the show let out we waited by the exit to see if she would sign for everybody. She came out about an hour later after her meet and greet was done and stopped for a few of us. I got my shirt signed and a photo with her. She was talking to people and joking around with them Very, very down to earth and beautiful up close. She tried to sign for everybody but only about 3-4 people got photos out of the 25+ people there. She said we were a great crowd and got in her car. About 1500 feet down the road there was a red light and those who didn't get a photo ran up to her car. She was so nice that she hopped over her assistant and sat out of the passenger side window posing with girls. The girls were so happy and I realized that even though she has come along way from her Christian Bible songs, she is still God's child at heart and honestly loves her fans.

The Night Everything Went Right: Keith Urban Edition

My friend Kaci and I are big country music connoisseurs. We follow all the artists and like all of the music. We got wind a few weeks ago that Keith Urban was going to be doing a private, free concert in Philadelphia for Verizon Wireless. I love many words but if I had to choose one word that stood out above the rest it was, FREE! Not only were the tickets free but Keith Urban a country music icon was playing the concert. My friend and I decided we needed to go see him, meet him, and just be there.

After our first failed attempt of scoring tickets at a "ticket run," we decided instead of getting discouraged that we would somehow get in if it meant standing outside the theater begging. The concert was being held in Philadelphia's smallest indoor venue known as the TLA-Theatre of the Living Arts. I knew the venue inside and out. I told Kaci if anything we would at least get to meet him outside.

We decided to go to the concert and push out luck. I brought a photo I took of Keith a few years back to get signed and my camera just incase we did get to meet him. When we got to South Street there was a huge line of people waiting to go in. There was more people than I had ever seen at the venue. We decided to walk around and noticed his SUV parked next to the door. Keith was already inside. Kaci and I started shopping and walking down the street figuring we will see him after the show. We made it halfway down the block when I notice a guy handing out passes to the show to two pretty girls. I ran after the man and asked if he had anymore. I told him our sole purpose in being on South Street that night was to see Keith. He ended up giving us 2 tickets and getting us upstairs. We had pretty decent seats because we went in 2 songs in and didn't have to stand in the crowd.

Keith played for about 1.5-2 hours of pure classic songs. After the set and before the encore we left to go around back. It was just my friend and Kaci at first but then came "the crazies." The ones who try and ruin it for everybody. Well let's just say the cops retained them. When Keith came out he jumped right in his car. He looked over to his left and I was holding up my picture with an autograph pen. He pointed and smiled. The car pulled down the alley and stopped. I told him the show was amazing and where I took the photo he was signing. He liked it! I said goodluck at the ACM Awards. He smiled and thanked me. My friend was snapping a photo for me. The crazies then ran up to try and throw stuff in the car and they drove off. Mission accomplished! I win! Keith is in my top 3 for nicest celebrities.

Madonna Gets Rejected To Collect Another Trophy

In the headlines recently Madonna has been seen heading back to African to collect another kid. We all might have it in our hearts to be adopted by Madonna. I know I wish I could be. She has money, owns the rights to some of my favorite songs and travels the globe, yet one thing is keeping her from adopting me. I'm not small and brown. Madonna only likes those traits in her adoptive children. Sadly for her, a residency requirement in Malawi has prevented Madonna from adopting a second child from that African nation.

Although Madonna, 50, adopted her son, David Banda, now 3, from Malawi in 2008. The move was not without its fair share controversy, there were claims that her application received special status because of her celebrity. Months later, David's father tried to get his son back after the adoption. The singer, a single mother, was planning to adopt 3½-year-old Mercy James, whom she first met in an orphanage in 2006. I guess Malawian babies are like crack once you have one you just keep wanting more! I like that Madonna is adopting children but I think she should jump the continents a little more. I am certain Madonna will appeal the ruling and get what she wants because what the Queen wants the Queen gets.

Jamie Foxx Finds Something in the Closet (It's Not His Sexuality)

Most people are aware the Jamie Foxx has been filming a new movie with Gerard Butler in Philadelphia called, "Law Abiding Citizen." Well it is ironic they gave the movie that title because Jamie has a fan that definitely does not abide by the laws of the land. Steven Taliver, 49, was arrested for stalking the Oscar winner at the AKA Hotel on South 18th Street in Philadelphia. He posed as Beyonce's manager and told the singer/actor that he was there to do business. Jamie was able to fight off the intruder and get some help. Later that same week, Foxx's security detail spotted the same man lurking around and they arrested him. He is now being cast in for America's Dumbest Criminals Season 23.

Jamie Foxx must also be an idiot because everybody knows Beyonce has a "Momager" and a "Dadager." So unless Mathew and Tina Knowles are rolling up into Philly just to speak with him then I wouldn't open the door. This guy is almost as crazy as the guy who was stalking 17 year-old Olympic Gold Medalist Shawn Johnson at the Dancing With The Stars lot in California. I guess stalking celebrities is in and f*cking them is out? Maybe I should switch my career

Gale King Tells Me To Call The Oprah Hotline

It is no surprise to anybody that I believe that God is walking around disguised as a black woman and preaches to me everyday at 4pm on ABC. To many people she is Oprah Winfrey but to me she is my decision maker. When Oprah tells me to buy a book, I buy 4. When she tells me something is delicious I order it in bulk. When she tells me to make the connection I do and try to hire Bob Greene to train me. Imagine my surprise when I saw Oprah's BFF outside of Saturday Night Live last weekend. I thought I had ran into my own long lost best friend. It was like I knew everything about Gayle. The first thing I asked for was a photo. Obviously I wanted proof that I had actually gotten to meet Gayle since Oprah has been ditching me and not listening to my show ideas since I was 4. I figured now I was able to give her my opinion.

Anyhow, I then proceeded to pester Gayle for tickets to the Oprah Show! I wanted to know how I have been calling the ticket hot line religiously since I was 12 to get tickets to the show with no luck. I honestly believe I would have a better chance cracking pi than getting tickets to Oprah. Gayle told me to call the ticket hot line. I looked at her like, "Wow! Thanks Captain Obvious!" I then proceeded to pull out my phone and show her that, Oh yes!, I had Oprah's ticket hot line programmed into my cell phone. That's right! Oprah's ticket hot line is programmed into my cell under Oprah. If I can't get tickets than who can? Gayle laughed and proceeded to walk to her car and told me to keep trying. Seriously Gayle you are her best friend! You should get me a spot sitting on Oprah's lap for a show!

Sacha Baron Cohen Brings NC-17 Material To Us

In the new movie Brüno: Delicious Journeys Through America for the Purpose of Making Heterosexual Males Visibly Uncomfortable in the Presence of a Gay Foreigner in a Mesh T-Shirt (yes, that's the complete title), Sacha Baron Cohen pushes the envelope even farther then he did with Borat.

Cohen plays a Austrian reporter who is gay who, that's right, goes around the United States and makes hetero-males feel uncomfortable. After viewing the trailer, you can see it is going to be a hit. Bruno is seen in the military wearing a Dolce and Gabbana belt with military gear on. When he is asked what type of belt he has on he responds, "D & G duh!" Another part you see 3 men and Bruno camping with a fire. The men are all masculine wilderness types. Bruno tells the guys it reminds him of Sex and the City and he wants them to pick which character they want to be. The men refuse yet Bruno says he thinks the man reminds him of Samantha. These are a few of the moments in the trailer that look HIGH-larious. Check out the trailer at WWW.TheBrunoMovie.COM.

The movie is being released theatrically on Friday, July 11th, 2009.

John Krasinski Into Smokin' Blunts?

Well he is into blunts but they come 5'8 red hair and beautiful. John Krasinski and Emily Blunt are officially an item. They were seen out shopping in Los Angeles recently together after much scrutiny on the pair being an item. Krasinski is best known for his work on The Office and Blunt is the bitchy first assistant who played opposite Anne Hathaway in The Devil Wears Prada.

Emily Blunt was previously dating jazz crooner Michale Buble and has spoken candidly about her not wanting to have to be open with the public about who she chosen to date. I think she has chosen a good partner in John. Best of luck to both!

Heather Locklear Thinks She's Worth It

Now the 90210 2.0 has been a success the CW has decided to greenlight production on Melrose Place 2.0. Since both 90210 and Melrose Place were 2 of the most successful shows ever they feel that bringing them back would again make the CW on par with ABC, NBC and CBS.

It seems that even before a script was written or a cast selected, one Melrose Place alum is playing hard to get. It is being reported that that Heather wants too much money to reprise her role as Amanda Woodward. I want to know where Heather is making her money these days. If I were here I would take every job I can get. Times are hard even for washed up actresses. Her Lifetime movie, "Flirting with 40" didn't do so hot so if I were her I wouldn't act so much like a Diva and more like the has-been she now is. She is supposedly asking 100k per episode. Heather needs a wake up call and if she wanted to possibly get her career back and her hottie status crown after that romp with David Spade (yes, David Spade) she would have to reprise this role and become a total bitch again. I'm all for it!

Britney Spears Coming To A Kohl's Near You

Check out this newly serviced photo of Britney Spears for her new ad campaign for Candie's. Isn't she lovely, Isn't she Wonderful! (Enough with the Stevie lyrics) But Britney is back and coming to a Kohl's near you. Not literally but in the cut-out form. At least it's better than Avril Lavigne or Hilary Duff (Not that I have anything against Hilary) but I'd rather see Britney posters at Kohl's.

Britney is featured in Candie's apparel, footwear, swimwear, intimates and accessories available exclusively at Kohl's. Britney showed Entetainment Tonight her favorite Candie's underwear, and says: "I had so much fun shooting the Candies for Kohl's campaign. My favorite set-up was against the gigantic wall of pink cotton candy." Too bad I wasn't there to help her change in and out of her clothes. I'm sure she could always use a few extra hands.

Supposedly, a full size, limited edition, pull-out poster will appear exclusively in the April 15th issue of Us Weekly Magazine. Be sure to grab your copy and post it on your wall. Or you can just send your copy to me!

I'm A Featured Blogger In A National Newspaper

Incase you missed it this is the article that was in The Washington Post today!!! It features me and another website I work on called Meetthefamous.com so check it out... Enjoy

Meetthefamous.com -- Inspired or Invasion of Privacy?

Screengrab of Meetthefamous.com.

You're innocently loitering on a London street when you spot what appears to be a tipsy George Clooney. Or maybe you capture Penelope Cruz in a less than glamorous moment. Or perhaps you have an old pix of tweener heartthrob Zac Efron before "High School Musical" made him a star.

In potentially horrifying news to many celebrities, a new Web site will pay you for all of the above. Meetthefamous.com, launched last fall, has quietly been picking up steam as a go-to site for aspiring paparazzi. Almost overnight, digital cameras and photo- and video-enabled cell phones have made celebrity news one of the first areas of news in which the idea of citizen journalism has actually caught on.

"What I've done is created a home for everybody to be the paparazzi," said Meet the Famous CEO Jordan Osher, who underscores his contributors ability to go where the real paparazzi can't follow stars. "[They can] share their celebrity encounters with the world and get paid for it."

Osher says the site now receives at least 50 photos each day and has amassed 16,000 images in their first five months of operation. Here's how it works: You have taken what you think is a marketable celebrity photo (or video). Upload that photo to Meetthefamous.com and you'll get $5 for every 1,000 pageviews that photo receives. If it's featured on the site's homepage, there's a $25 bonus. And, if the picture is sold to a magazine, tabloid or any other public venue, you'll receive a 50 percent commission.

And, Osher says, sales have been surprisingly lucrative. Recent sales have included a decade-old picture of a pre-"300" Gerard Butler to Life & Style and another of recent tabloid fave Rihanna.

"We got a picture of Rihanna getting a tattoo, kind of pulling her pants down," said Osher. "It's a really cool photo, really sexy -- everybody was all over that."

Brandon Downey is set to graduate from Rutgers University this spring, but he's also one of Meet the Famous's most reliable contributors. Posting as LaBellaVida7, the part-time subsitute teacher who aspires to be the "anti-Perez Hilton" has posted 120 photos to the site so far, including this vintage pic of a seemingly drunk Britney Spears in New York (Downey gets most of his snaps in New York and Philadelphia). A huge Spears fan, Downey says he turned down a $30,000 offer from the National Enquirer to publish the photo five or six years ago, but has since posted it online because his ideals have changed.

"I wish I had [sold the photo]," said Downey. "It would've paid off most of my college. I was kind of naive back then."

Downey's personal evolution seems to track with the public's increased consumption of what can be viewed as invasive coverage of stars. Celebs -- including Clooney and Julia Roberts -- have taken tough stances on the paparazzi and Los Angeles even briefly considered a Britney Law that would have created a 20-yard "safety bubble" around celebrities. The law was proposed after an ambulance transporting Spears to the hospital was besieged by photographers. And blog empire Gawker was criticized in 2006 when it launched Gawker Stalker, a Google map-enabled site that lets anyone geocode celebrity sightings. (Ex: "Just saw matthew broderick walking on 31st and park. He was with a blonde young model and not SJP." -- Mar 29th, 2009 @ 2pm.)

Osher says he doesn't think Meet the Famous will cause a further erosion of celebrities' personal space.

"Nothing we do encourages any illegal behavior. If you're at a bar and you see Paris Hilton doing a shot and you have your camera, you can take a picture. Whether they come to Meet the Famous or go directly to TMZ, it's gonna get out there."

The privacy line has been increasingly difficult to pinpoint with the advent of publicists who call ahead to alert paparazzi to their celeb's every move and stars like Ashton Kutcher, who recently posted this pic of wife Demi Moore's derriere on Twitter.

"What we've done is create a platform for the everyday person who doesn't know what to do with their photos," said Osher. "They can come here and profit off of it and in this economy it's a second source of income for some people."

Maybe someone should tell Ashton.

By Liz Kelly March 31st, 2009

Rihanna Into Some Kink?

Everybody on planet Earth is well aware of the beatdown that Rihanna received via Chris Brown this past February on Grammy morning. Since that day we have seen Chris and Rihanna frolicking in the beaches of Miami, Chris Brown showing no remorse and Rihanna getting a gun tattooed on her ribcage.

After hearing that Rihanna was thinking about taking Chris back I asked myself, "Hasn't she ever seen, What's Love Got To Do With It?. I think Oprah needs to stage an intervention with herself and Miss. Tina Turner and knock (not literally) some sense into this girl.

In the past few days new claims have arisen saying Rihanna is not cooperating with police with the charges filed against Chris Brown. This makes me think she might have liked getting her ass beat like a batch a potatoes. Maybe she likes the kinky shiite. A little smack her, a bite there, some electricity over there, and a punch in the good ole baby maker! I mean whoe doesn't like a little blood pouring from the orifices?

No matter what happens I will still listen to Rihanna's music because it is addicting. Those bom bom be doms and baby baby when we first met songs are what pop music is all about. Chris Brown, on the other hand, has decent songs but I would like to see his ass go to jail and get, well just like he sings, double his pleasure double his fun. For- ever- ever-ever...

Miley Mistakes Her Kid's Choice Award For An Oscar?

Apparently Miley Cyrus does have problems when it comes to differentiating between two things. We all know that she has an identity crisis with Hannah Montana and herself and now we all learned that on Sunday night she thought she won an Oscar when in reality it was a Nickelodeon Kids Choice Award for Favorite Female Singer. When she walked up on stage to accept her award she burst into tears and said she wasn't expecting to win the award. Let's get this straight people, Hannah Montana was up against Beyonce, Rihanna and Alicia Keys on a children's television channel and she was surprised that she won the award.

Note to Miley: You are 16 and deserve to be on the channel, I want to know why you weren't up against Ashley Tilsdale, Brooke Hogan, and the Mama Mia cast. As for the crying out burst I'm not quite sure why Miley cried. Maybe she was trying to get in touch with her Halle Berry side or maybe she wanted to prove to us that she is capable of winning awards. Whatever it is I hope she never wins an Oscar because she wouldn't give a speech most likely she would just stand there shaking her Oscar saying, "You like me! You really, really like me!" Oh Wait! That's been done!

Gisele Kills It On The Cover of The May 2009 Vanity Fair

Don't call her Mrs. Tom Brady because our generations most successful supermodel, Gisele Bundchen, is capable of taking over the world. Not only is she married to one of the most talented quarterbacks in football today but she is one of the most beautiful women to have walked the planet. This May the 28-year old Brazilian model will grace the cover of Vanity Fair. In the magazine she talks about her compatibility with Tom Brady: “He’s very close to his family. He’s Catholic. His parents have been married 40 years. He’s got a pure heart. That’s all that matters – he’s got the purest heart. I feel grateful because I have a lot of love in my life. I found the person I’m sharing my life with. I have a good man.” She continues to speak of doubts arising from her and Tom’s relationship: “You question at times – ‘Should I stay here? Maybe you should work this out.’ But when people break up, it’s for a reason. [Dealing with baby John] was a blessing, because otherwise I don’t think I would have known what he was made of, and he wouldn’t have known what I was made of. [I love Tom's integrity and] the way he was a good person through all the times. I was like, You have the heart in a good place! It made me feel more in love with him; it made me realize who he was.” It seems they are happily married yet in need of another wedding stateside in the near future. Last month, Gisele and Tom were wed in her native Brazil while in her hometown for Carnivale. Look for May's issue of Vanity Fair on newsstands in April.

Best Album Release of March: All I Ever Wanted

Kelly Clarkson's 4th Album release, "All I Ever Wanted" takes her back to her boy-bashing roots with songs like, "I Do Not Hook Up" and "Don't Let Me Stop You." I guess she is trying to dispell all the lesbian rumors by writing all these songs that speak of breaking up with guys and being with guys who were interested in other girls. Whatever she is doing it is working with 2 straight weeks atop the Billboard Top 100 Charts. The album was released on March 10th, 2009 following the release of her smash single "My Life Would Suck Without You." Kudos to Kelly and Co. for releasing 2009's first unforgettable song.

Whether or not you are a Kelly fan you will be saying "My life will suck without you!" while on the shitter, walking your dog or working out on the treadmill. It is one of those infectious songs that even the straightest of straight men try to say they have never heard and everybody knows they know every lyric to. I bet you I could put Arnold Schwarzenegger on Don't Forget The Lyrics and give him "My Life Would Suck Without You" for $250,000 and he would win it. Wouldn't that be a sight for the blind and music for the deaf, eh? My point is that Kelly Clarkson somehow gets the best songs. I know she does write her music which I commend her for, but she does get cowriters and writers for other songs. On this album she has Kara DioGuardi of American Idol fame writing for her and Katy Perry, Barry Swartz and the very successful Max Martin.

Songs I suggest for download are; "Cry", "I Do Not Hook Up", "Don't Let Me Stop You", " All I Ever Wanted" and " If No One Will Listen." Eventhough the whole CD is amazing, download those songs if you feel the economy has hit you just as hard as the rest of us. Other honorable mentions of CD's that came out this month are; Martina McBride, John Rich, U2, Keri Hilson, and Hannah Montana The Movie Soundtrack.

Jamie Spears Threatens To Shut Down Britney's Biggest Fan Site...WTF????

On March 27th, 2009 an era ended for all us Britney fans. As much as I thought the webmaster of Breatheheavy.com was a conceited ass, I thought the way he ran the website and the information on the website was amazing. My daily fix of all things Britney was there for me whenever I needed it. Like all Britney fans we need a reassurance that she is okay and her kids are okay and that she is going to keep giving us more. Breatheheavy.com did that for us. Allegedly, Jamie Spears threaten the webmaster verbally over the phone recently and sent him papers telling him to immediately halt production on the website. As many of you know, back in 2008 Britney lost all her rights when her dad became her conservator. This is the very reason why Jamie Spears is allowed to act as Britney and threaten the webmaster of Breatheheavy.com. In the past Britney has commented about Breatheheavy and what it has done for her and her fans. I am shocked to see that today it is gone. I think Jamie Spears has gone to far and speaking from my recent run in's with Britney herself she is not her old self at all. I want the old Britney back and that means she needs to send her father back to Louisiana eaten crawfish and drinking beers again like the alchi he once was! Leave OUR Britney alone you ass and let her live her life. Don't let her be so overprotected! Didn't you listen to your daughters 3rd album track 2? I feel better...

Chelsea Handler Wants Me To Get Sucked!

I went to the Tower Theater in Upper Darby, PA because my favorite talk show host was performing there. I have been watching Chelsea Handler on E!'s "Chelsea Lately" since the shows premiere back in 2007. I read both of her best selling books and watched her stand-up routine. It was a no-brainer to try and get my book signed and possibly a photo with her while she was in town. I arrived at the Tower Theater early to scope out Chelsea's escape route and get a feel for security. I noticed her Escalade parked down a side alley with a sorry excuse for a security guard blocking the entrance.(We'll get back to him) Around 10:30 that night my friends and a large group gathered to see if Ms. Handler would sign our books. When she pulled away the car made a quick right and got stopped by traffic. At that point I saw my one and only chance to attack, I mean, meet Chelsea. I ran up to the window Chelsea was at and at that moment I blurted out "Chelsea sign my book!" While everybody else was scared of the security and thought Chelsea would just stop for all of us. I ,however, was being the proactive one and went to Chelsea. Chelsea rolled down her window and asked me my name. I told her my name and that I think she is HIGH-larious. Her boyfriend was with her and he smiled at me. I said "Hi!" back to him. When I turn to my left I notice the Biggie Smalls type bodyguard flying(Or rolling) at me. My eyes suddenly widened, I was about to get steamrolled. When he noticed Chelsea speaking with me he ran right past me. I swear I saw my life flash before my eyes. 400lbs of pure McDonald's and KFC coming at you at a high speed is enough for you to surrender yourself to the Heaven's above. Chelsea signed my book and went on her way. I was the only person out of 100 to get my book signed! It was well worth the near death experience. When I looked at the autograph it said, "Brandon-Suck U! Chelsea" What a polite way of telling somebody to, "Feck Off!" It only made me respect Chelsea more. I went back to my friends that night with an ear to ear grin knowing I was the only Philadelphian to have met Miss. Handler. Suck It!

The King Of All Media Challenges The Queen To A Duel

My friends and many others who I have met have told me to start writing stories about the celebrities I have met, wanna meet or just blog about the screwed up lifestyles of Hollywood's rich and famous. Every since I was a young lad I dreamt of being in the elite class of the heroin addicts, cocaine sniffers and pill poppers. I wanted to be Drew Barrymore's friend, Cory Feldman's buddy and Valerie Bertinelli's son. Today I feel like I may have a chance at doing most of those things except being Valerie Bertinelli's son. I could be her Jenny Craig companion though. Which would be hot because she just scored the hot, new cover of PEOPLE magazine. Which has always been a dream of mine. But I wanted to be PEOPLE's Sexiest Men Alive. If you saw me you would say I have a shot. Believe me. Anyway back on topic. I decided I needed to blog about celebrities because my writing style is very unique to those that we are addicted to in today's society. Perezhilton.com, JustJared.com, Pinkisthenewblog.com, etc. are all great sites but I think I could be the Anti-Perez. No respectful 30 year old male with a cock intact would ever call himself a Queen unless he was 30 minutes from cutting that shit off for good. That's part of the reason I feel Perez is overrated and annoying at times. I have love for the man and sometimes I have intense hatred for the man. He used to talk mad shiite about my girl, Miss. Britney Spears and all a sudden he shows up on the opening video of her tour. That's something shady if you ask me. So I am going to start my own blog and write about everything from celebrities to sports to movies to music releases. The key here is I am going to write my blog unlike Perez who has hired people to take over his blog and keep the original name. If I were him I would change it to TheQueenandShrews.com PerezPaysmeto writethis.com. Well I hope you enjoy my blog and maybe one day I will be duelling with the Queen. Bring it BITCH!