Chelsea Handler Wants Me To Get Sucked!

I went to the Tower Theater in Upper Darby, PA because my favorite talk show host was performing there. I have been watching Chelsea Handler on E!'s "Chelsea Lately" since the shows premiere back in 2007. I read both of her best selling books and watched her stand-up routine. It was a no-brainer to try and get my book signed and possibly a photo with her while she was in town. I arrived at the Tower Theater early to scope out Chelsea's escape route and get a feel for security. I noticed her Escalade parked down a side alley with a sorry excuse for a security guard blocking the entrance.(We'll get back to him) Around 10:30 that night my friends and a large group gathered to see if Ms. Handler would sign our books. When she pulled away the car made a quick right and got stopped by traffic. At that point I saw my one and only chance to attack, I mean, meet Chelsea. I ran up to the window Chelsea was at and at that moment I blurted out "Chelsea sign my book!" While everybody else was scared of the security and thought Chelsea would just stop for all of us. I ,however, was being the proactive one and went to Chelsea. Chelsea rolled down her window and asked me my name. I told her my name and that I think she is HIGH-larious. Her boyfriend was with her and he smiled at me. I said "Hi!" back to him. When I turn to my left I notice the Biggie Smalls type bodyguard flying(Or rolling) at me. My eyes suddenly widened, I was about to get steamrolled. When he noticed Chelsea speaking with me he ran right past me. I swear I saw my life flash before my eyes. 400lbs of pure McDonald's and KFC coming at you at a high speed is enough for you to surrender yourself to the Heaven's above. Chelsea signed my book and went on her way. I was the only person out of 100 to get my book signed! It was well worth the near death experience. When I looked at the autograph it said, "Brandon-Suck U! Chelsea" What a polite way of telling somebody to, "Feck Off!" It only made me respect Chelsea more. I went back to my friends that night with an ear to ear grin knowing I was the only Philadelphian to have met Miss. Handler. Suck It!